Guys…what the hell is going on?! How did we get here?

My family is extremely busy. I have 5 kids…3 step kids and 2 bio kids. I was working part-time as a nurse when life got overwhelming. We got my 3 stepkids full-time for over a year. I also had a toddler and a newborn at home. It was a LOT to handle. Too much in fact. I was exhausted. My husband didn’t understand why I was working. I didn’t need to! He provided for us. I was, and am, very thankful for that. He suggested that I take a break from working for a bit. But I am the type of person that always needs a plan B. Like I said before, I don’t leave much to chance. All kinds of scenarios would run through my head of why I should always keep my own income flow. As a nurse in the state where I live I need to work a certain number of hours within a 2 year period to keep my license. I was afraid to stop working, even if that is what clearly made sense for our family situation and my sanity. I didn’t want to lose my license and therefore make myself vulnerable to not be able to make an income for myself if needed.

After much consideration, I decided to take a leap of faith and take a break from work. It was nice honestly. It did help my sanity for sure. I cherished that time at home with my little ones because I was pulled in so many different directions when the older kids were home from school. But the truth was, I wasn’t very good at being a stay at home mom. My mind was, and always has been, very restless (enneagram 7). I needed something to do. My 2 year limit was creeping up. I needed to make a decision about work or I was at risk of losing my license. I wasn’t sure what to do next. Going back to working as I had before didn’t exactly seem tempting anymore.

While I was pondering my next step, like a lot of busy moms I was starting to feel a bit…frumpy. I had a toddler and a newborn, as well as 3 older kids which didn’t leave a lot of time for self care. I felt….gross. I would have done practically anything for a boost in my self-esteem at that point. I just need to interject here and say that we need to support new mothers more. I felt ”frumpy” for sure because I had spit up all over me, I had baby weight to lose, I had no time for self-care. Therefore, I made the decision to try to do the quickest thing possible to make me feel better about myself….I decided to go in for a consultation to get some Botox. This is not what I would recommend for new moms. I would recommend to wait out the ”uncomfortable” first couple of months after giving birth. I was inpatient…I decided to make a rash decision because I didn’t love the way I felt. That is not a reason to inject your face. My hormones were all over the place, my feelings changed from one second to the next. I was looking for instant gratification to make myself feel better about my appearance after having a baby.

Whatever the feelings were that brought me there and whatever I may feel about that now…it is what I did. I went to the plastic surgery office to feel better about myself. I assumed that the plastic surgeon at the plastic surgery office I went to would be treating me, but a nurse came in instead. She was lovely and did a great job! I just hadn’t realized injecting Botox was something that a nurse could do. I asked her A LOT of questions and kept in touch with her. After learning more, I decided this was something I could do . I had gone to grad school for my masters degree. I could certainly take the training to do injections. So I did it! I found a training program and I did the work. In my state, I needed to find a medical director to practice, so I did that. I found a medical director that I wanted to work with (one of my instructors…she’s wonderful) and decided to start my own business. I knew that I didn’t really want to work at an office for someone else. I knew that a lot of these places require you to upsell different services and products. I am not a salesperson and I didn’t want any part of that. I knew that some injectors worked out of their own office and was sure I could do it. I was used to working independently as a nurse in my previous job, and even if it made it a bit more stressful, that is what I decided to do.

Well…it was a lot of work. I will discuss starting a business in more detail at some point. Despite all of the hard work, I knew I could do it because I could do little bits at a time. I could do a few things one day, a few things the next. In the end, it took me about 3 months from my training to actually have my grand opening of my own little space. It was nerve-wrecking working on my own, but I was confident in my abilities and my skills. I started very gradually growing clients. Honestly, the ideal situation for me was to work very part-time…taking clients as it worked with my family’s schedule. I know that to be successful you need to advertise, and market, and stay on top of your social media. I wanted a decent amount of clients but I honestly didn’t want to be too busy. I didn’t need to make a whole lot of money. I didn’t want my family life to struggle because I was working too much either. I wanted to do this to keep up my nursing license and do something that challenged and fed me outside of the home.

It WAS all of those things. I was happy to be using my medical brain again. I felt proud of what I had accomplished. I liked helping women (and men) feel better about their appearance. But as time went on, I just started to lose interest. The whole thing started to bother me. I felt like I was part of the problem. Why are we so afraid of getting old anyway? It is really, truly exhausting trying to live up to these standards of beauty. If we did all of the things we are “supposed” to do to keep ourselves up it would be a full-time job! So we are ”supposed” to be getting Botox, dermal fillers, chemical peels, microneedling, have a 10-step skincare routine and that’s not all! We are also supposed to get our eyelashes and eyebrows done, and our nails are supposed to be long and perfectly painted all of the time. Not to mention we are supposed to work out every day and eat only healthy organic foods. Is all of this really realistic to maintain? Hell to the no…it isn’t. Life is hard enough…who needs the extra pressure?!

It also bothered me that people called it “rich girl face”. And honestly, they are right. It IS really expensive to do all of this stuff! To do a full-face treatment of filler, to get people to have the right proportions that are determined to be most beautiful (by who knows who), is thousands of dollars! And don’t forget that our bodies metabolize these products. You have to do the treatment all over again in 1-2 years. Not to mention that people who have gotten all this filler placed start to look really distorted. No matter how good an injector is, you can ALWAYS tell when people have a bunch of filler in their face. It starts to look lumpy…and it doesn’t move properly anymore.

I have mixed feelings. I like to “freshen up” a bit. I like Botox; I like being good to my skin. I like looking put together, having my nails done, mostly on my own, sometimes professionally. But lately it just doesn’t seem so important anymore. Before when I was feeling a little less than confident, I would make think of making an appointment to “fix” my appearance, now I just want to go ride my horse. Also, I wasn’t making a good profit in my business because instead of suggesting 5 other treatments for people, I found myself saying, “I think you look great!” Because that is the truth! We should be building each other up! Talking about our good qualities! Not suggesting treatments that will line our pockets, and which probably shouldn’t be a financial priority for most people in the first place. It is very hard to be profitable in a business that you aren’t fully behind. It is really hard to sell it when you don’t necessarily believe in all of it. I just kept thinking, “How did we get to this place of feeling like women’s faces are broken?!” Maybe we should be focusing more on building women’s self-confidence then trying to “fix” a face that isn’t broken.

I know this will be controversial. I understand. I told you in my first post that this is a no judgement zone. You do you. If it makes you feel good to do all of the things, then by all means…go for it. I also know plenty of great injectors, who are wonderful people and are truly in the business for the right reasons…not just to line their pockets. It just worries me as to where all of this is going. What are these unrealistic beauty standards going to do to our kids?! It is really hard to tell your kids that they are perfect the way they are…that they don’t need to change themselves for others acceptance when we aren’t modeling that for them. Kids are smart…they will see right through that hypocrisy. I think this is part of why it got more difficult for me to fully get behind aesthetics. I have a daughter, and a stepdaughter; they are intelligent females who are always watching.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. And the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.

Audrey Hepburn

Sincerely written on this day,

The Dabbler

***Disclaimer: Because I am a nurse I will talk about medical things from time to time. I am in NO WAY giving medical advice. These are my thoughts and opinions only. Also, I will NOT answer any medical questions on this blog or in comments, emails, etc. You should see a medical provider in person for any medical advice.